Not on the Bucket List!

Ever wonder why you're doing what you're doing?  For over a year now, I've been working on a writing project, and all along the way I've wrestled with this question.  I'm not a published author, and I still find it quite uncomfortable to call myself a writer.  Yet, writing is what I've been doing a lot of lately.  Actually, journaling was my passion for many years.  It was safe.  No one read what I wrote, no one except the Lord but that was okay.  I knew my heart was safe in His hands.  In January 2011, God gently nudged me to move beyond journaling.  It was time to bear witness to all that God had done in my life.  So I dug out all the journals and embarked upon writing a memoir.  Honestly, undertaking such a task was never on my bucket list of things to do, yet obeying the Lord's leading was important to me, so I wrote.  Many tears were shed in the process.  Tears of joy and some of heartache.  Richard and I had a few good laughs too remembering some of the stupid things we've done over the years.   It was actually quite therapeutic to reflect upon God's goodness.

I finished writing the book at the beginning of this year and recently sent it off to be edited.  I've not gotten it back yet, and I'm a bit apprehensive to see all the red marks covering the pages.  However, I know it is the next step in the process.  The refining stage of writing is important because I want all that I do to be done well.  Remaining teachable and willing to make needed changes to the project is important.  All along the way, I have had to remind myself that God has called me to do this.  Penning down the story in a journal where no one will read is one thing; putting it out there for all to see is another.  At times, I would lay the project down for fear of what might happen as a result.  What if people don't like me anymore?  What if something I've written isn't theologically correct?  What if I tell a story that steps on someones toes?  What if my words are confusing?  The dreaded "what ifs" that I know not to ask but still do.  Never could I set my computer aside for long though because God was always there to remind me to press on.

I often pray for the Lord to establish the work of my hands, and it seems He has these hands writing.  Now that the memoir is almost complete, I'm asking the Lord what He wants me to focus on next.  This coming weekend, Richard and I will be attending a writer's conference.  The program director encouraged us all to remember that we've been called to write.  CALLED.   Words that I had to read and re-read.  It's funny how sometimes the very things we end up doing in life are the things we would have never chosen for ourselves to do.  Teaching was that way for me.  Never in a million years would I have agreed to teach a class in the early days of my marriage, now I pray for the Lord to open the door for opportunities to teach.  I'm doing the same with writing too.  Wonders never cease.  I'm still not comfortable with calling myself a writer, but I do know how to answer that question of why I'm doing what I'm doing when it plagues my thoughts.  Because, God has called me.

"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."  (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)