Sight Vs. Faith

 In those days Israel had no king; all the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes.     (Judges 21:25 NLT)
 

     As I approached the courtroom, it surprised me to see the amount of people standing there. When the doors opened and the people pushed through to take a seat, I began to realize my friend would not be the only one standing before a judge that day. A heavy, forlorn mood filled the courtroom as we waited for the judge to arrive. As this man of great stature entered the room and we all stood, it was clear people knew their fate lay in his hands.  Case after case presented daunting facts.  Stories of armed robbery, embezzling, drug distribution, and offenses against the innocent gripped my heart.  Why had these individuals resorted to crime?    

     The book of Judges holds the answer I believe, for the stories shared in that book weren’t much different than the ones I heard that day at the courthouse. “All the people did whatever seemed right in their own eyes.”  People were walking by sight and not by faith.  Occasionally when life got difficult they looked to the Lord to get them out of the messes they’d made, but for the most part they just did whatever felt right in the moment. Proverbs 14:12 says,  “There’s a way that seems right to man, but in the end it leads to death”   DEATH!  Death isn’t always physical.  For those in the courtroom that day, death of dreams and hopes took place.  Life would never be the same. 

     There are days I'm guilty of walking by sight.  With my rational mind, I want to understand and figure things out.  I grow weary of waiting on the Lord.  Convicted by my own lack of courage,  I hear my Lord beckoning me to deny myself, take up my cross, and follow Him up Golgotha.  For that dreaded climb up the hill opened the doors to new life.  In faith, Jesus abandoned himself completely to the will of the Father.  His fortitude amazes me.  His love leaves me speechless.  Walking by faith isn’t easy, yet it gives me joy to know I have a King who died and conquered death for me. 

Jesus, thank you for dying so that I can live.  You are the Author and Perfecter of my faith.  Help me Lord to trust You with every fiber that is within me.  And Lord, send me to others who need to know You as King.

An Imperative I Can't Ignore

“I command you—be strong and courageous!  Do not be afraid or discouraged.  For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”  (Joshua 1:9 NLT)

While staring at the blank intimidating screen, my heart sank with discouragement.  “This is too hard, Lord,” I thought as I typed and deleted countless words.  One little comment from a critique to make my words more lively had crushed my spirit, and I didn’t want to continue any more.  You would have thought I was facing a whole army of terrifying Orcs by the way I fretted.  The longer I sat and stared at my computer, the more fearful I became.  It’s ridiculous I know, but then again fear and discouragement don’t always make sense.  For days I waited for the Lord to say, “It’s okay, Amy, you don’t have to do this anymore if you don’t want to.”  Instead, He said, “Be strong and courageous.”

Discouragement is debilitating.  Once my mind starts feeding on negative thoughts, I’m wasted.  Nothing profitable comes forth when despair takes over. Maybe that’s why the Lord gave this command.  He didn’t say to Joshua to try not to be afraid or discouraged.  He said, “Don’t be!”  Imperatives hold a lot of weight.  God knew the giants that would be encountered along the way.  It was a life or death matter.  There was no room for fear and despair.  However, the command wasn’t the last word spoken.  The Lord went on to promise Joshua he would not be alone.  We cannot muster strength and courage on our own.  It is only by God’s grace and presence we can face the giants before us.

More of You, less of me is my prayer today.  May the Lord find me faithful to trust Him and obey no matter what lies before me.

Whatever Orcs you are facing, be strong and courageous dear friends, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

More of You, Less of me

Lyrics by: Amy 2001

Jesus, help me to live each day surrendered only to You

I can’t walk the way I want to

My body is weak and my mind is full

My feet stumble and my words they come out cruel

Jesus, help me to live each day surrendered only to You

(chorus)

More of You, less of me is what I pray

Help me abandon every wicked way

Take me Lord, break me Lord; I’m Yours today

More of You, less of me

More of You, less of me I pray

Jesus, help me to live each day surrendered only to You

I can’t think straight and I am confused

Doubt and fear, well they tend to get me down

The dark surrounds me and I feel like I might drown

Jesus, help me to each day surrendered only to You

(ending)

I can’t carry this burden, and I know You don’t want me to

You say, “Come unto Me; I will take care of you”

So here I am Lord, falling on my knees

Ready to surrender, wanting to be free

Here I am Lord, falling on my knees

Ready to surrender, wanting to be free

Silent!

"But the Lord said to Moses, 'Because you did not trust Me enough to demonstrate my holiness to the people of Israel, you will not lead them into the land I am giving them!"  (Numbers 20:12  NLT)

Ever wish you could do a day over?  If Moses could have done anything over in his life, I wonder if it would have been this day.  The great hero of our faith had seen the burning bush and stood on holy ground.  He had witnessed the ten unprecedented plagues and walked on dry soil through the Red Sea.  The glory of God radiated before him when God's laws were entrusted into his hands.  There are few in Scripture we esteem more than Moses himself.  Yet on this day, those awesome acts of power didn't make a difference when he struck the rock instead of speaking to it.  Disobedience stemming from distrust changed everything.

There are days I wish I could hit the rewind button.  One moment in particular stands out.  As I drove my car to band practice one night, God spoke to me in a vision, which transformed my life, but with that vision came the command to be silent.  I disobeyed.  Circumstances and feelings dictated my behavior instead of God's instructions.  I speculated far too much and shared things with people that only brought confusion and division.  As a result, the ramifications were devastating.  Friendships ended, and the ministry my husband and I were leading changed.  My heart was broken.  If only I had trusted and obeyed, things would have been different.  I knew God forgave me, but it took a long time to forgive myself.

It's been years since those difficult days, and God's grace has enabled my heart to taste and see His goodness.   As I sat in my chair this morning and reflected on Moses's disobedience, I remembered the time I too distrusted.  The dark valley that followed was great, yet God's grace was greater and His love permitted me to climb heights I didn't even know existed.  If Moses could do it all over again, I don't think he would.  For it's in weakness we become strong.  Moses had seen God's power shake the mountains, but it was His love and grace that transformed his life, equipping Him to be God's vessel.

When all seems lost and you long for a do-over, look to Jesus and abide in His love.  He makes all things new!

Abba, Your grace amazes me.  Thank you for forgiving me.  I don't like the fact that I disobeyed You.  It grieves my heart to think about it, but I'm learning that where sin abounds, Your grace abounds even more.  Help me to abide in You, Lord, and empower me to trust and obey.

Free to Serve

You humble yourselves by going through the motions of penance, bowing your heads like reeds bending in the wind.  You dress in burlap and cover yourselves with ashes.  Is this what you call fasting?  Do you really think this will please the Lord?  This is the kind of fasting I want:  Free those who are wrongly imprisoned; lighten the burden of those who work for you.  Let the oppressed go free, and remove the chains that bind people.  Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes to those who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help. Then your salvation will come like the dawn, and your wounds will quickly heal.  Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind.  Then when you call, the Lord will answer. ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply.  Remove the heavy yoke of oppression.  Stop pointing your finger and spreading vicious rumors!  Feed the hungry, and help those in trouble. Then your light will shine out from the darkness, and the darkness around you will be as bright as noon.   (Isaiah 58:5-10 NLT)  

On this Ash Wednesday, as I consider what I should "give up" so that I can cling to the Lord more, I keep coming back to these words in Isaiah.  Ashes and sackcloth meant nothing to the Lord if a person was only "going through the motions".  Words that cut to the quick, honestly.  Sometimes I catch myself going through the motions.  Spiritual disciplines become mundane and something I do just because I should.  God is more like a genie in a bottle instead of my Abba Father.  Clearly, heartless sacrifice means nothing to the Lord. 

A couple of years ago, I read a book that touched my heart deeply.  It was the story of Harriett Tubman, or "Moses" as they called her.   After gaining her own freedom, she chose to return back to the land of slavery so that she could lead others to freedom.  She never viewed her freedom as an opportunity to serve herself.  She knew she'd been set free to serve others.  Free to serve.  It's the way I want to live my life.  During Lent this year, I don't want to simply go through the motions.  I want to stand in this freedom that Jesus has given me and be more intentional when it comes to serving others.  May the truth that I have been set free to serve run deep within my heart, and may the call to lead others to freedom not be silenced. 


For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.  (Galatians 5:13 ESV)

Not on the Bucket List!

Ever wonder why you're doing what you're doing?  For over a year now, I've been working on a writing project, and all along the way I've wrestled with this question.  I'm not a published author, and I still find it quite uncomfortable to call myself a writer.  Yet, writing is what I've been doing a lot of lately.  Actually, journaling was my passion for many years.  It was safe.  No one read what I wrote, no one except the Lord but that was okay.  I knew my heart was safe in His hands.  In January 2011, God gently nudged me to move beyond journaling.  It was time to bear witness to all that God had done in my life.  So I dug out all the journals and embarked upon writing a memoir.  Honestly, undertaking such a task was never on my bucket list of things to do, yet obeying the Lord's leading was important to me, so I wrote.  Many tears were shed in the process.  Tears of joy and some of heartache.  Richard and I had a few good laughs too remembering some of the stupid things we've done over the years.   It was actually quite therapeutic to reflect upon God's goodness.

I finished writing the book at the beginning of this year and recently sent it off to be edited.  I've not gotten it back yet, and I'm a bit apprehensive to see all the red marks covering the pages.  However, I know it is the next step in the process.  The refining stage of writing is important because I want all that I do to be done well.  Remaining teachable and willing to make needed changes to the project is important.  All along the way, I have had to remind myself that God has called me to do this.  Penning down the story in a journal where no one will read is one thing; putting it out there for all to see is another.  At times, I would lay the project down for fear of what might happen as a result.  What if people don't like me anymore?  What if something I've written isn't theologically correct?  What if I tell a story that steps on someones toes?  What if my words are confusing?  The dreaded "what ifs" that I know not to ask but still do.  Never could I set my computer aside for long though because God was always there to remind me to press on.

I often pray for the Lord to establish the work of my hands, and it seems He has these hands writing.  Now that the memoir is almost complete, I'm asking the Lord what He wants me to focus on next.  This coming weekend, Richard and I will be attending a writer's conference.  The program director encouraged us all to remember that we've been called to write.  CALLED.   Words that I had to read and re-read.  It's funny how sometimes the very things we end up doing in life are the things we would have never chosen for ourselves to do.  Teaching was that way for me.  Never in a million years would I have agreed to teach a class in the early days of my marriage, now I pray for the Lord to open the door for opportunities to teach.  I'm doing the same with writing too.  Wonders never cease.  I'm still not comfortable with calling myself a writer, but I do know how to answer that question of why I'm doing what I'm doing when it plagues my thoughts.  Because, God has called me.

"For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."  (Ephesians 2:10 NLT)

Guardrails

Reading through the law can be grueling.  There's so many do's and dont's, it makes my head spin.  Why in the world would God the Father put such expectations on His people?  Because He loved them!  There just can't be any other explanation, for God is love.  Paul writes in Galatians 3:19 (TM), "The purpose of the law was to keep a sinful people in the way of salvation until Christ came."  To keep a sinful people in the way of salvation!  From the beginning of time, God intended to send His Son to save His people, but until that day came God graciously provided some guidelines to help His children stay on the way. 

As a parent, this is helpful to read.  In a world where darkness abounds, it is our responsibility to come alongside our kids and help them stay on the way.  I recently heard a speaker refer to house rules being like guardrails on a highway.  Those guardrails are there to keep a car from going over the edge of a road.  We all know what a mess it would be if a car actually flew over the edge.  It would be devastating!  What an ugly mess there'd be to clean up, not to mention probable death to all those in the car.  So as parents, we too must establish guardrails.  Love must be the motivation though.  Not control, not pride, not anger . . . only love. 

I did chuckle when I read the Israelites response, "We will do everything the Lord has commanded.  We will obey." (Exodus 24:7 NLT)  I get this mental picture of the little blue and green aliens in Toy Story 2 that kept following Mr. Potato Head around saying, "You have saved our lives, we are eternally grateful."  The Israelites wanted to obey.  The Red Sea had just been parted and the bonds of slavery  shattered.  I'm sure they were extremely grateful.  However, obedience wasn't easy and time after time their flesh would prevail.  Yet God's grace would abound and those guardrails remained to help them.

I want love to motivate all that I do as a parent and grace to be abundant in our home.  It is a daily prayer of mine right now.  Love is tough sometimes.  I used to balk at the concept of "tough love".  Naively I thought, if I train my kids in the right way, their response will be like those aliens, "You have saved our lives, we are eternally grateful."  That would be music to my ears at first, yet like Mr. Potato Head I'd eventually get tired of that heartless robotic reply.  My children have a body, a soul, and a spirit that is unique to themselves.  Growing up involves discovering who they are and who they want to be.  Inevitably, there's going to be a lot of bumps and bruises along the way.  The guardrails are there because they are loved, and grace abounds to help them get back up when they do fall down.  Every parent I've talked to wants their kids to go through life unscathed, so we do our best to help them.  Ultimately though, there comes a time when our children must stand on their own two feet.  Injuries can become the tools our Father uses to shape them.  Parents need to be arrows that point to Jesus, for He is our sure foundation. Just as the guardrails must stem from a heart of love, so should obedience.  It's a shift in all of our hearts that needs to take place.  We obey not because we want to be loved but because we ARE!  That's freeing for me as a child of God and it gives me hope as a parent.

Who am I?

"And the Lord said to Moses, "So now, GO. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”  (Exodus 3:10-11)

"Moses said to the LORD, “Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue.”  The LORD said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the LORD?  Now GO; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.” But Moses said, “Pardon your servant, Lord. Please send someone else.”  (Exodus 4:10-13)

Sound familiar?  I can easily put my name in the place of Moses and hear this discourse taking place between the Lord and I.  "Who am I, Lord? Please send someone else."  Just yesterday morning, I was disagreeing with Richard over leading a certain song at chapel, yet in truth in the back of my head I was arguing with God.  It's not the first time I've argued with God.  My thoughts often go in this direction:  "I'm a nobody, Lord.  My talents are few.  My education is lacking. I don't have any huge accomplishments or successes to make note of.  Someone else can surely do this better."  Thankfully, God always steps in to remind me that I am His.  Remembering who I am in Christ enables me to stand tall.  Next, I'm usually plagued with fearful thoughts.  Sometimes I try to mask it as humility, but in truth it's just plain fear. "Oh Lord, not me.  I'm not good with words.  What if I mess things up.  Use someone else, please!"  Yet, this is wrong too.  Fear is crippling.  God didn't give us a spirit of fear, and when I can remember that He is in me, I am empowered to do what He has asked me to because I know I'm not doing it in my own strength.  Hudson Taylor says, "God does not call the equipped.  He equips the called!"  Knowing who I am in Christ Jesus, and who He is in me equips me to step out in obedience and say . . . Yes, Lord, Yes to Your will and to Your way.  Yes, Lord, Yes. I will trust You and obey.  When Your Spirit speaks to me, with my whole heart I'll agree, and my answer will be Yes, Lord, Yes! (Gotta love those old camp choruses!!!)

  
        He who calls you is faithful; He will surely do it. (1 Thess. 5:24 ESV)